Art is the only place my nervous system softens, so I’m treating my creativity like evidence. We’re taught our history begins at the point of colonization, not at the point of origin. That my ancestors began life in shackles and chains, but we were more. Our way of living was labelled animalistic, our holistic practices looked down upon, our beliefs demonised. Therefore, I want to go back to the very beginning, to the source, to understand where I come from so I can plan where I’m going. I experience lineage as knowledge in my body, passed down, carried, a lot without words. This is where my research begins.

I’m approaching this as research because my body keeps giving me information. Fibromyalgia cannot always be seen on scans, yet it shapes how I move through the world. Paired with endometriosis, another condition doctors still have gaps around, I carry a lot of sensation in my body and, at best, I’m offered symptom management, not resolution. I’ve noticed that art is one of the only places my system softens, and that makes me wonder what else I’ve been taught to dismiss. As a result, I’m becoming my own case study. I’ll be tracking what happens when I combine meditation, journaling, art-making, sound bowls, and retreats with deep attention to my nervous system, my emotions, and the symbols that rise from my subconscious.

Autoethnographic reflection will sit at the centre of this process.

How are unresolved emotional states, particularly grief, trauma, and shame, held within the body, and how might ancestral ritual practices support their release through creative, embodied methods?

Ancient cultures believed heavily in energy, vibration, universal laws, and the cosmos. Across the world, people were reading the stars, tracking cycles, and learning the patterns of Earth and the surrounding planets. Even without clear communication between them, so many cultures shared the same core needs: to survive, to grow food, to stay in right relationship with the land, and to make meaning of what can’t be controlled. Concepts like Ma’at focused on balance, and on honouring creation through gratitude and alignment. I want to find that kind of balance within myself, because I believe we are more than what we see, and because I’m searching for ways to ease my symptoms through regulation, not just endurance. Fibromyalgia can be triggered by trauma, and mine was, especially after losing my mom to breast cancer. So I’m asking: what if some of what I call symptoms is trauma living in my body? What if endometriosis is connected to boundary violations? What if chronic sinusitis is tied to compressing my truth? What if my sciatica holds trapped anger? If medical science can only help me so far, what becomes possible when I bring ancient healing systems into the picture, not as a replacement, but as another language for listening? I’m also curious about Vedic astrology, and whether it can help me understand my life experiences and guide me toward balance. Because so much of our subconscious patterning shapes how we respond, I need to access, process, release, and reprogram. Creating unlocks my subconscious and gives visual explanations for what I can’t always express verbally.

To explore this properly, I’m creating a structure I can return to when my body allows. I’ve always pushed and resisted, but the intent now is to work with my body, not against it. This blog will be my public research log, where I document the practices I’m exploring and how my system responds in real time. I’ll track symptoms, nervous system signals, and how I feel mentally, alongside the other factors that shape my baseline. For example, I already know my fibromyalgia is worse in winter and tends to improve in summer, so I’ll hold that in mind when I’m reading patterns. And when I say shift, I mean practical change: better sleep, lower pain levels, more capacity, and the ability to do more without paying severely for it the next day.

When I say I’m treating my creativity like evidence, I mean I’m paying attention on every level. Evidence isn’t only medical, it’s lived. It’s the body markers: sleep, pain levels, energy, sensitivity to light and sound, the buzzing in my brain at night, and how much capacity I have the next day. It’s also what shows up in the work itself, the symbols and messages that rise from my subconscious when I stop trying to control the outcome. And it’s timing, cycles, and context, including what I notice through astrology and the seasons, and how my system responds as the external environment changes. I’m looking for patterns, repetitions, correlations, and contrasts, not to prove something to anyone, but to understand my own language more clearly.

Ethics, for me, is respect. It’s treating all belief systems with care, fully embracing what I’m exploring instead of half-believing it, half-mocking it, and then calling it research. It’s also honesty, about my health, about the creation process, and about every intervention I try, whether it’s spiritual, holistic, or medical. I’m not disregarding modern medicine, and I will use it when necessary, but I will be clear throughout this journey about what I’m doing and why. Ethics is also about memory. It’s respecting my mom and my ancestors, and representing stories accurately, without exploitation or distortion. And it’s honouring belief systems even when they’ve been demonised in today’s Western world, because part of returning to the source is refusing to repeat the disrespect.

What I’m working towards

By the end of this research, I want to be able to tell the story of Black history from the very beginning, not from the point where it was interrupted. I want to engage deeply with belief systems of the past and develop a programme that can support people living with chronic health conditions. I also want to be able to speak on the nervous system, and how repressed emotion can physically show up in the body. With the research and the practices I try, I hope to show a correlation between what I learn, what I attempt, and the positive effects it has on specific symptoms and conditions. Ultimately, I want to help people experience themselves differently, with more understanding and a better quality of life. Along the way, I’ll be producing artwork because that is my release. You’ll see a visual breakdown of what I hold within, running side by side with the written research, as an alternative kind of art therapy blended with holistic practice. And through all of this, I want to know where I really come from, share it with the world, and helpcreate a new narrative about Black history.